Movie Review: The House of the Devil

The House of the Devil

Director: Ti West
Year: 2009
Genre: Horror
Notable Cast: Jocelin Donahue, Tom Noonan, Greta Gerwig
Netflix Link: The House of the Devil
Quote to Note: I like butter on mine.

Review: Something about being impregnated by Satan always gets me. I just have a soft spot for this stuff. If you like Rosemary's Baby (also about the spawning of Satan's offspring) then you will love this film. Unfortunately, unlike Rosemary's Baby the senior citizens aren't naked. Oh well, this film brought back fond memories of my youth.

I know what you're thinking. Are there any boats in this film? No, but there is hair in the bathtub. Curly black hair.

Update: This movie also introduced me to Netflix's "Satanic Stories" genre. Amazing!

Score:
(7 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: Kill Theory

Kill Theory

Director: Chris Moore
Year: 2009
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Notable Cast: Agnes Bruckner, Taryn Manning, Teddy Dunn
Netflix Link: Kill Theory
Quote to Note: "FUCK!"

Review: This is one of the eight films from After Dark Horrorfest 4. Generally these are a good group or horror films to check out. So far from this batch of eight, this is one you want to stay away from. The movie is a giant ripoff of Saw, and really in a seriously non creative way, basically 4th grade creative. A "killer" who saved himself in a climbing accident by cutting the rope resulting the death of his three friends. This "killer" then turns into a psychopath genius terrorizer. He takes a bunch of college kids, and 2 members of the cast of Sons of Anarchy, in a house 50 miles from existence (OF FUCKING COURSE) and tells them only one can come out alive, they have to kill each other to save their own life. To add onto the awesomeness this movie was, you get to see tits. Although, they are the chick in the movie with the smallest rack, thank you Chris Moore.

This must have been filmed during the anniversary of of Grupo Modelo, creators of obviously Modelo beer, because in the basement of the house is about 10 cases of this bottle filled with a mexicans urine. Oh and the killer sinks the sweet ass fuckin deck boat that sits on this pond that is about the size of a puddle of urine I would make when drunk.

AH! I CANT LEAVE OUT THE TWIST ENDING!! Wait, yes, yes i can. Who fucking cares.

Score:
(4 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: The Other Guys

The Other Guys

Director: Adam McKay
Year: 2010
Genre: Action / Comedy?
Notable Cast: Will Ferrell, Dirk Diggler, The Rock, Samuel Fucking Jackson
Netflix Link: The Other Guys
Quote to Note: You turned my beautiful Prius into a nightmare!

Review: I am now positive that this movie was deliberately trying to not be funny. After having sometime to think it over it's pure genius! Could you imagine making a comedy film, with Will Ferrell, and the director/creative mind behind Anchorman and the end result is a movie that's not funny? It's the ultimate ruse. I can see how they sold it to the studios:

Adam McKay: "Let's trick America into thinking they are seeing a movie akin to Anchorman and Step Brothers, but just to fuck with them we'll write really dumb jokes and not have Samuel L. drop an F'bomb.".

Studio Executive: "That's a fucking brilliant idea! The payoff will be a bigger twist than The Usual Suspects! People won't realize it's purposely not funny until after they've seen it!"

So before you rip this movie for being less than great you need to appreciate how fucking trendsetting it is. I mean who would've ever thought Hollywood would purposely release bullshit? I for one am blown away at how successfully they tricked me into thinking the movie wasn't funny when all along they meant for it to be that way. Good job guys. The joke really is on me.

Score:
(3.5 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: The Expendables

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