Movie Review: Mama Mia!

Mama Mia!


Director: Phyllida Lloyd
Year: 2008
Genre: Comedy, Musical, Romance
Notable Cast: Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan
Netflix Link: Mama Mia!
Quote to Note: You have a boat? Good get on it! And anchors away.

Review: There comes a time in every man's life when he must face his greatest fear. Luke did it in Empire, Adama did in BSG and Barf did it in Spaceballs. For me, that time came last night when I sat down to watch this movie. You see, Mama Mia! is what's known as a "musical". This means that for some inexplicable reason all of the key "plot" elements of the "story" are "sung" to "music". To me there is nothing more horrifying than a movie where there is singing...unless the movie is Shaft and the singing is about one bad mother f- shut yo mouth.
Anyway.
There's really no point in recounting the plot here because as I mentioned before they sang the whole goddamn thing. As such, you can't tell what the fuck is going on other than that there's a girl singing about her daddy issues. I'm pretty sure that Meryl Streep was also in the movie. She was trying to play a mom around the age of 47 but apparently at some point during one of the (I-wish-I-could-stab-out-my-eyes) song and dance numbers she must have fallen into a time warp or something cause she looked about 74. In addition to Meryl Streep's dazzling turn as the Crypt Keeper, the film also featured Pierce Brosnan. Pierce Brosnan. Singing. Not good. For god's sake man, you were James Bond! You were Remington Steele! Show some dignity! Granted your were the worst James Bond other than Timothy Dalton, but still...you really need to show some respect for yourself.
The only saving grace for this disaster was that it featured a metric assload of boats. Both the opening and closing songs (please kill me) included a fancy row boat that's apparently all the rage with chicks who like to sing about their daddy issues. Also featured were:

-ferry boats
-motor boats
-sail boats (including a schooner)
The best and worst point of the movie came at the same time during yet another (please-take-my-godforsaken-soul-right-now) musical interlude where a bunch of lovely ladies and dapper young lads dressed up as sailors and danced around on - you guessed it - a frickin' yacht. I wasn't sure if I should weep for the crushed spirits of the actors that had stooped to work in this abomination or salute what appeared to be a majestic 156' sloop.
Oh yeah and all of the songs were by ABBA.

Score:
(2 Swayze Heads out of 10)