Movie Review: Fast Five

Fast Five

Director: Justin lin
Year: 2011
Genre: Action
Notable Cast:  Vin Diesel, Paul Walker
Netflix Link:   Fast Five
Quote to Note:  11 million? That sounds like a whole lot of vaginal activity to me

Review:  HOLY SHIT WTF! OMG! I CANT WAIT FOR THE 6TH ONE!!!!!!! 

Score:
(4 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: Kill the Irishman

Kill the Irishman

Director: Jonathan Hensleigh
Year: 2011
Genre: Crime
Notable Cast:  Ray Stevenson, Christopher Walken, Val Kilmer 
Netflix Link:   Kill the Irishman
Quote to Note:  Hi, I'm going to whack you

Review:  This is a true story based on a mobster in Cleveland during the 70's.  Yea, Cleveland.  Now it turns out that in Cleveland the mob absolutely loved to use car bombs and other regular bombs to kill people.  It's apparent that they spent more time making bombs and shit in Cleveland than worrying about making any sort of money, because, well, the mobster scene in Cleveland sucks clean shaven balls.  Also if these dickheads were worried about staying alive, they would have ridden a fucking bike.  I will bet you 1 million pesos that if you placed a bomb on my bike, I'D FUCKING FIND IT.  But i guess bikes weren't convenient or they were possibly slightly uncool, like sweatpants are now.


The boats were very prevalent in this lovely mobster flick.  Freighters all over and also I saw a sailboat.  Like I didn't get enough sailboats in my last movie review.  HAHA, you can't get enough boats in movies.  I am glad there isn't such a thing as a boat bomb in the mobster world, that would have made me tell the movie to fuck off or to go walk in traffic.


Oh, not done yet.  Val Kilmer will be the next commercial boy for Nutrisystem.

Score:
(8 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: Charlie St. Cloud

Charlie St. Cloud

Director: Burr Steers
Year: 2010
Genre: Chick Flick
Notable Cast:  Zac Efron, Charlie Tahan, Amanda Crew 
Netflix Link:   Charlie St. Cloud
Quote to Note:  If I was going to rub one out, I wouldn't do it in a graveyard, St. Cloud

Review:  Words cannot express how happy I am that this movie had 398 million fucking boats in it.  Otherwise it was highly gay.  Just like that DVD cover.  The majority of the watercraft's were sail boats, but there was variety.  Enough variety that I got more of a stiffy from the sheer amount of boats than I did from the leading lady (Amanda Crew).  Lets be honest, the only reason Nick Nolte is making 4 appearances here is because of the boatage.  Not in any way for the other content of the movie.  At all. Quality role for Ray Liotta, quality.

Score:
(4 Nolte Heads out of 10)