Movie Review: The Wicker Man (1973)

The Wicker Man

Director: Robin Hardy
Year: 1973
Genre: Horror
Notable Cast: Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland
Netflix Link: The Wicker Man
Quote to Note: Will you send a dinghy, please?

Review: This movie doesn't take long to showcase it's sea-faring vessels. Within the first 5 minutes there is a Monty Pythonesque discussion about dinghies which ends with men riding in boats. After my initial excitement surrounding the watercraft the movie turned dark. While the boat trip is occurring there is some of the queerest sounding music accompanied by shots of what I can only assume is a homosexual riding a horse. The candy shop in town makes chocolates and other sweets shaped like goat heads, while the photographer's shop contains a jar filled with dead grey skin husks that is labeled "Foreskins". All of this showcases that something seriously sinister is afoot. Outside of the local Inn there are tons of people fucking creating one of the largest outdoor orgies ever to be caught on film. And there are bushes and trees that have been pruned to resemble giant cocks of the earth. I was really struggling to summarize what I was viewing until....

....I saw the tombstone outside of one of the ruined churches. It reads, "Here Lieth Beech Buchanan, protected by the ejaculation of serpents". Now, while I did always favor snake cum to other reptilian seed I never felt like it was truly protecting me. Just like this film, it exploded all over my face but left me unprepared for the horrors that would ensue. And that is how I will remember The Wicker Man.

Score:
(7 Nolte Heads out of 10)