Movie Review: The Social Network

The Social Network

Director: David Fincher
Year: 2010
Genre: Drama
Notable Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Rooney Mara, Justin Timberlake
Netflix Link: The Social Network
Quote to Note: Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Review: A glorious return of fantastical watercraft! We have been slacking with regards to boat content in films, but no longer. There are a ton of fucking boats in this film! Rob Lowe Oxford Blues style boats. Apparently, if you go to Harvard or Oxford, you are a rich douchebag who loves to fucking row boats. There is a slow motion scene of boat rowing, a fake boat where they practice rowing, and even a fucking regatta. There are so many boats I couldn't even fucking focus. It was glorious.

Extra points for Fincher's Fight Club easter egg. Tyler Durden appears in this movie...

Score:
(9 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: Ravenous

Ravenous

Director: Antonia Bird
Year: 1999
Genre: Horror
Notable Cast: Guy Pearce, Robert Carlisle, Jeffrey Jones
Netflix Link: Ravenous
Quote to Note: You know, if you die first, I am definitely going to eat you.

Review: This is the second time I have watched Ravenous. The first was in 1999 when it was released. I had very fond memories of this film so I wanted to see if it was as fun as I remembered it being. Turns out it was. This is a devious little film filled with really evil moments, but tempered with the most ridiculous humor.

I don't really know how to explain this film besides it's about cannibalism. It has the strangest musical score and the weirdest cringe-worthy gore mixed with black comedy. It should be horrifying watching what unfolds, but it turns out to be just hilarious. If you like grown men licking someone else's wounds then this film is for you. If you like making stew out of your coworkers than this film is for you. If you like closeup shots of meat, well then this film is for you.

And to top it all off, it's also the only film I know of that David Arquette gets killed twice. His chest cavity also gets devoured. And for that it deserves even more love.

Score:
(7 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

A Nightmare On Elm Street


Director: Samuel Bayer
Year: 2010
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Notable Cast: Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara
Netflix Link: A Nightmare On Elm Street
Quote to Note: "How's this for a wet dream"

Review: So I'm watching this and I don't specifically remember the first Nightmare On Elm Street, but I'm almost 100% positive that it is much much better than this one.  What does this one have over the first one?  A better quality of film, because its newer.  Also has more attractive women.  


The movie is supposed to be a horror movie.  Though I'm pretty sure I can fall asleep without the thought of a burnt, claw handed pedophile coming after me in my sleep.  Though if that did happen, it would be a more entertaining dream to have than my usual dreams that include Danny Glover and bar mitzvahs.  Clowns are scarier than this movie.   


A more important question though.  Was this movie entertaining? Sure it was entertaining, but it definitely was a big downer compared to the 1984 movie.  Also since it had a big part in the movie.  I'm going to start using it as well over Google.  Check out Gigablast.com, its a green search engine.  Its fast and will make you dumb because you wont be able to find shit on the internet because it sucks balls, hairy ones.  The lack of boats in the movies I have watched recently is starting to piss me off.  

Score:
(6 Nolte Heads out of 10)