Movie Review: Evan Almighty

Evan Almighty

Director: Tom Shadyac
Year: 2007
Genre: Comedy
Notable Cast: Steve Carell, Morgan Freeman
Netflix Link: Evan Almighty
Quote to Note: I love you, I mean, I think we should hang out socially....I have a new ping pong table

Review:  Yes, that is what you think it is. A giant fucking BOAT, and I mean GIANT.  This movie is terrible, absofuckinglutely terrible.  Who gives a shit about that!  THE MAN BUILDS A BOAT.  The ark built by Evan (Steve Carell) is majestic.  The amount of times "boat" is said in this film made my dick hard.  To witness a majestic wooden boat built from scratch made Morgan Freeman's dick hard, without viagra.  

One lingering question though.  No, not about God being black, he was wearing white.  Cancels out.  It was about 2 of each different kind of animal on the ark.  This flood only took out a couple hundred homes.  Why the fuck were there jungle cats and shit on the ark.  I dunno.  Oh well.  

I cried when the ark crashed.

Score:
(3 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: I Saw The Devil

I Saw The Devil

Director: Jae-Woon Kim
Year: 2010
Genre: Thriller
Notable Cast: Byung-hun Lee,  Min-sik Choi
Netflix Link:  I Saw The Devil
Quote to Note: Hey retard, who hit your penis

Review:  Koreans have dominated women's golf for the past few years.  Now they are going to dominate the awesome movie list if they produce more of these.  This crazy film had it all, except boats.  Although this is one movie I can look past the lack of boats because it is THAT fucking good.  Also, I wanted to go back and count how many times they said "retard" in it, but the movie is too damn long to do that right now, I will later.  They love the word retard like we Americans (the majority of people that read this are not American) love Ramen noodles.  

Score:
(9 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: Source Code

Source Code

Director: Duncan Jones
Year: 2011
Genre: Sci-Fi
Notable Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Vera Farmiga
Netflix Link:  Source Code
Quote to Note: Women always mess up my last name, i was with a girl the other night and she kept calling me getoff, she was like getoff getoff, i was like no its Denoff, Denoff...no no your fat and your heavy get off

Review:  So this movie was just fucked.  I thought of one way they could have improved it to possibly get me to like it.  


They could not have actually filmed anything.  Took a DVD case, slapped a big ass huge awesome fucking boat on the cover of it, or any boat for that matter. Then finally put a disc inside the case of Now That's What I Call Music Volume 698, and sold it in the $5 bin at Target.  Not Wal-Mart, cause I don't go there, I'm white.


If that happened, definitely more Nolty heads.

Score:
(4 Nolte Heads out of 10)