Movie Review: Source Code

Source Code

Director: Duncan Jones
Year: 2011
Genre: Sci-Fi
Notable Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Vera Farmiga
Netflix Link:  Source Code
Quote to Note: Women always mess up my last name, i was with a girl the other night and she kept calling me getoff, she was like getoff getoff, i was like no its Denoff, Denoff...no no your fat and your heavy get off

Review:  So this movie was just fucked.  I thought of one way they could have improved it to possibly get me to like it.  


They could not have actually filmed anything.  Took a DVD case, slapped a big ass huge awesome fucking boat on the cover of it, or any boat for that matter. Then finally put a disc inside the case of Now That's What I Call Music Volume 698, and sold it in the $5 bin at Target.  Not Wal-Mart, cause I don't go there, I'm white.


If that happened, definitely more Nolty heads.

Score:
(4 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: The Watcher

The Watcher

Director: Joe Charbanic
Year: 2000
Genre: Thriller
Notable Cast: Keanu Reeves
Netflix Link:  The Watcher
Quote to Note: Fuck me running, hes got Campbell, TRACE IT

Review:  Cool Breeze Keanu film number two!  I have to mention this first.  The coast guard comes to save the fucking movie, and to pick up Keanu's charred body.  Last scene in the movie ends with sweet coast guard boat coming not to the rescue of a person, but to the rescue of the movie.  


Now onto the good stuff, Keanu Reeves of course.  This is what I learned about Keanu in this film.

• He's an intellectual 
• He's a gentle lover
• He's a very talented dancer, possible ballroom skills
• He loves music...namely Rob Zombie
• He hates New Jersey (as do I)
• He's a fuckin talented wheel man
• He has a background in parkour
• He is also a talented Pyrotechnic

ALTHOUGH, none of this mumbo jumbo should come as a surprise to ANYONE. 

Score:
(6.5 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: Home Alone

Home Alone

Director: Chris Columbus

Year: 1990 

Genre: Comedy

Notable Cast: Macaulay Caulkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern

Netflix Link: Home Alone

Quote to Note:   "I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!"

Review: There are no sea farring vessels in this film.  There is only dream of them.  


Put yourself into the shoes of the now incarcerated retarded criminals.  You find a block in Chicago, where every family goes on vacation for Chris Kringles birthday, then flood their house because youre a complete idiot after you make a sorry attempt to rob them blind.  That is the perfect MO to purchase a multitude of boats and live where snow is a dream.  In comes the extreme stupidity of a couple of city folk clowns.


I was very very proud of Kevin here.  He tortured the shit out of these douchebags.  My first thought would to have either attacked them with the saw used to cut down the tree, or hide under the bed in the attic where there should have been a puddle of Fuller's urine, while they took my family's possessions.  


Kevin took the high road and made them his little bitches, with the help of a creepy old dude that does this for a living.  Supposedly.   


Although I really wanted to know what Kevin thought of that microwavable dinner, but we never got that far.   

Score: 

(9 Nolte Heads out of 10)