Movie Review: The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

Director: Tom Six
Year: 2009
Genre: Horror
Notable Cast: Dieter Laser, Segments A, B, & C
Netflix Link: The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
Quote to Note: Shit! I have to shit!

Review: Apparently people have taken extreme offense to director Tom Six's creation. Maybe because I watch so many horror films I didn't find it that disturbing. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Or maybe I am just a genius who notices a solution to two of Earth's big problems (reduction of waste and obesity). Whatever the answer may be, sewing someone's mouth to another person's rectum is generally frowned upon. Except in Germany, where it is actually encouraged. But big deal. People get maimed, tortured, and raped on film all the time.

Here's how I saw it. Tom Six has just created one of the most efficient sewage treatment facilities with his human centipede idea. The main character Dr. Heiter, has effectively taken the feces of three people and produced just a single dump. Think of how much money could be saved globally if everyone just ate each other's fecal matter. No more wastewater facilities, less need for physical labor, no more pension plans for these workers, and most importantly a decreased reliance on farming.

It would also combat the global obesity problem. I think one could easily argue that the human race would be thinner if we implemented this system. I highly doubt anyone would be going back for "seconds" after eating the main course. Again, except Germans.

I am willing to split all proceeds from this major scientific discovery with Tom Six if any of this ever comes to fruition.

Also, please send me an email letting me know how this works out for you if you decide to try out this revolutionary idea. I can be reached at fecalfiend@gmail.com.

One last thing. There are no boats in this film, but I'm pretty sure the police's corpses in the swimming pool could be used as floatation devices.

Score:
(7 Nolte Heads out of 10)