Movie Review: Arthur

Arthur

Director: Jason Winer
Year: 2011
Genre: Piece of shit
Notable Cast: Russell Brand, Jennifer Garner
Netflix Link:  Arthur
Quote to Note: You love horses.  I don't trust them.  Their shoes are permanent.  Who makes that kind of a commitment to a shoe?

Review:  I guess Jason Winer really wanted to ruin his career with one really bad movie release.  Take a horrible script, probably written by this guy and add Russell Brand.  That is a absolutely dreadfully lethal combination.  Kind of like having the guy that invented the neck basket and the inventor of pajama jeans procreate (they're both probably guys).


I sure as hell hope there was a boat in this meat sack with all the money the main character had, it was too terrible to finish though.

Score:
(2 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice

Director: Tim Burton
Year: 1988
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Notable Cast: Alec Baldwin, Michael Keaton, Geena Davis
Netflix Link:  Beetlejuice
Quote to Note: There's absolutely no organic flowthrough

Review:  Well I could only go so long without non Keanu movies, and this one I saw for the the 20th time, needed a review.  No boats unfortunately, but their car kind of turned into a flotation device in the beginning when they (Alec and Geena) DIE.  We also did need a great movie for POST NUMBER 1 FUCKING HUNDRED. Thats right, 100 shitty ass reviews.  You love us.


This entire movie could have been something completely different if and I emphasize IF, Alec Baldwin wasn't such a giant fuckin pussy and drove the car to the hardware store to pick up some things instead of Geena, his wife.  C'mon now, they died because a woman was driving the banana on wheels Volvo and drove through a beautiful, probably a landmark, covered bridge.  Ending their lives and handing their house over to Kevin McCallister's mom.  

Score:
(9 Nolte Heads out of 10)

Movie Review: The Watcher

The Watcher

Director: Joe Charbanic
Year: 2000
Genre: Thriller
Notable Cast: Keanu Reeves
Netflix Link:  The Watcher
Quote to Note: Fuck me running, hes got Campbell, TRACE IT

Review:  Cool Breeze Keanu film number two!  I have to mention this first.  The coast guard comes to save the fucking movie, and to pick up Keanu's charred body.  Last scene in the movie ends with sweet coast guard boat coming not to the rescue of a person, but to the rescue of the movie.  


Now onto the good stuff, Keanu Reeves of course.  This is what I learned about Keanu in this film.

• He's an intellectual 
• He's a gentle lover
• He's a very talented dancer, possible ballroom skills
• He loves music...namely Rob Zombie
• He hates New Jersey (as do I)
• He's a fuckin talented wheel man
• He has a background in parkour
• He is also a talented Pyrotechnic

ALTHOUGH, none of this mumbo jumbo should come as a surprise to ANYONE. 

Score:
(6.5 Nolte Heads out of 10)