Movie Review: Eagle Eye

Eagle Eye

Director: D.J. Caruso
Year: 2008
Genre: Action
Notable Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan
Quote to Note: You had sex with her yet?

Review: I was really stoked for the garbage barge scene in Eagle Eye. When I saw the preview on my brand new Palm Pre there was a split second when you see Shia LaBeouf plunging into an overflowing garbage barge and I am not afraid to tell you, I got wood right on the spot. I turned to Barry and said, “throw the engines into reverse, turn back toward the harbor and god-damnit get that juice needle out of your ass.” Anyway after visiting Little Chung over on Fantasy Street to pick up a chinese subtitled bootleg dvd, I got down to business. It goes without saying that I love any movie that features a chase scene that ends on a garbage barge. It’s a boat filled with garbage to conveniently break your fall. Here is a pop quiz for all you math whores out there. How many movies feature garbage barges? Answer: all of my favorites. Dirty Hairy, Bullet, The Matrix, Stuart Little 2, Star Trek 5 (the one with the whales), I could go on all day. And then there is Shia LaBeouf. For me, he is like Captain Stubing after going on the South Beach diet for one year. The rest of the movie sucked. There's a giant computer that is made of up of a roomful of red balls that look like the testicles off a giant squid. But what makes it all worth it is that at about 38 minutes into the movie Shia and some ugly chick are being chased by FBI agents and they drive their SUV off a friggen pier and then they land in a pile of garbage on a barge. A BARGE! Then they sail blissfully away. Why doesn’t the FBI scramble choppers and F-16s at this point to continue the chase? Who knows. Something to do with the squid nuts computer I guess. Did I like this movie? Fuck yeah.

Score:

(6 Swayze Heads out of 10)